I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
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