Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
GM filed for bankruptcy, all the dealerships closed, and it's june and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt and I'm cold. What is the point of living in this state anymore?
oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
Randomize
