Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
Randomize