16 and pregnant actually makes me really happy that i'm gay
i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
Randomize
