i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
Michael Bay diarrhea
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
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