I took shrooms, thc and molly but its okay i'm surrounded by freaks
Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Randomize
