He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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