my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
Randomize
