Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
How drunk are you?
Completed.
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
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