Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
Randomize
