what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
Randomize
