The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
Randomize
