Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
Share, now.
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
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