My balls are so social today.
just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
im naked on webcam to her boyfriend, but im playing neopets at the same time, so its all evened out
people are starting to question the shark bite story
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
Randomize
