My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
I'm looking at some sugar baby profiles to get some insight on what we're up against.
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
Randomize
