Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
Randomize
