Yeah....I really appreciate it....I didn't even get it from hooking up....lame, atleast if a girl gets u sick when u r hooking up it was fun in its inception...
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
The cl.oudds are foaming a really big pen.Is OMG.
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Randomize
