i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
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