you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
ok first of all what the fuck
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
Randomize
