$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
Randomize
