once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
Randomize