she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
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