Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
Randomize
