My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
Randomize