Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
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