Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
Randomize
