the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
Randomize
