he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
Randomize