And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
honey bunches of taint.
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
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