im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
He played a tape of his mad rapping skills after the final...his rapper name was Mad Stylz and he rapped about all the pussy he got in the 90's. I love Sociology.
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
Randomize
