And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
Randomize
