I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
P.S. I can't hear my feet
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
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