will power is for people who don't want to get laid
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
Randomize
