I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
Randomize
