I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
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