O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
Randomize
