I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
My penis needs a shock collar
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
Randomize
