wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
I deserve this hangover.
Such a big mess for such a small penis
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
Randomize
