I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
only if we run a train.
done.
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
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