I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
Randomize