O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
the day i stop sending you hentai screenshots is the day i actually act like an adult, and TRUST ME. THAT AINT HAPPENING ANYTIME SOON.
Randomize
