She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
There are leaves in my underwear?
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
Randomize
