do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
Gay?
German.
Pity.
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
Randomize