Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
God gave him joint rollers for hands
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
Randomize
