she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
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