man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
So yes it WAS her period, NOT a nose bleed.
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
Randomize
