If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
well, if it gives you any insight into how crazy it was, i am currently wikipediaing "anullment"
There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
Randomize
