i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
Randomize
