I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
I need a beard to bite.
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
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