butt plug
anus plug
rubbish cock?
yes
you suck at this game today
I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
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