why didn't you poke me back
Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
Randomize
