I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
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