some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
Randomize
