You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
Randomize
