well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
Randomize
