Tell her she can't have a vagina
the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
Randomize
