when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
Okay so the couple who keep propositioning people for threeways are def siblings not bf/gf
So are you gonna do it or no you said they're hot
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
Randomize
