my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
Randomize
