fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
Randomize
