dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
So apparently I’m into choking now
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