Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
Randomize
