ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
I don't think he has that. His apartment was pretty much a tv and a bed. Topless girl calendar and a glass of water to put out cigarettes.
why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
Randomize
