I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
Randomize
