i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
The feeling are messing with the penis
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
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