This is not my ceiling
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
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