I hate all girls vehemently.
I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
Should I hook up with a slut its your call
Yes. Wrap it. If you dont have a condom do it anyway. YOU ONLY LIVE ONCE.
The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
Randomize
