i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
last night I used snow as a chaser
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
Randomize
